We ended our "rough week" with a trip to the beach. It was a bright spot of our week as I watched the kids have fun and enjoy the surf and sand. We really should do this more often!
Cody and his boogie board
My beautiful "surfer girl"
Loving the sand
It is Monday and I am praying that it is the start of much better days than we have experienced recently. It really is so easy to blog about all of the good things that take place in our lives but when life gets rough I find it harder to sit down and write. But for me writing is therapy....which is why I enjoy blogging. It gives me a chance to journal my thoughts and feelings while giving others an opportunity of knowing what is going on with our family. Anyway, as I said we have had some difficult days recently. On May 22 (Cody's 11th b'day) I received a call from Cody's pediatrician telling me that she wanted to see Cody right away. Some routine blood work had come back with abnormal results....his fasting glucose levels were very high. Instead of taking cake and icecream to school to celebrate his birthday we were on the road to discover that these high levels were due to Type I Diabetes. After meeting with an endocrinologist we were admitted to the hospital where the diagnosis was confirmed. We spent 3 days in the hospital regulating Cody's sugar levels with a controlled diet and insulin shots while becoming educated on the all consuming hourly routines of managing his diabetes. After arriving back home life became extremely difficult. Our days were full to capacity without the addition of 6-8 finger sticks to check sugars coupled with 4 insulin shots a day and a very regulated meal schedule with a little boy who is a "carb addict". We have had many ups and downs. Lots of anger and meltdowns from everyone including myself and a child who is confused and doesn't quite understand why this happened to him. The girls are frustrated because Cody demands so much attention and get angry when they can't have their favorite sugary snacks and frankly I am just so tired and overwhelmed with it all that I too find myself angry. I have told myself over and over that at least this is something that is treatable and maybe one day a cure will be found...I remind myself that there are far worse things that could have happened and that there is a great deal of worse suffering in the world but right now it is my life that has been turned upside down and pain from many angles has entered into our daily walk. I'm hurting that my son has lost a "normal" childhood. I hurt with wonder at what his teenage years will look like...what will happen when he is not under my supervision anymore. I become scared sometimes that I will do something wrong in caring for him. A mistake that may make him sick. It has only been a week and I am weary of constantly sticking him. His little fingers are getting rough and his legs are speckled with dots from his shots. Wearing the hat of nurse right now is not fun....I just want to be the mom. I want to have fun without worrying about the next stick and shot. I want him to be able to eat what he likes and not to have to say no all the time. Despite the hurt and confusion I know that God is near. He will never leave me or forsake me and I know he will strengthen me through this valley. I have read alot of Psalm this week and 139:1-6 says
"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in -behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me. Too lofty for me to attain."
It reminds me of the fact that my God is so intimately acquainted with me. He knows everything about me. He knows that I am hurting and He hurts with me. He will strengthen me but for now I'm just enjoying resting in His love. Yes, I hope it is a better week. If not we will make it through. I will love on my children, smile at the sun rising over the river (if I am awake), take in the smell of freshly cut grass or a freshly cut watermelon and know that one day when we all get to Heaven the hurts and pain of this life will be no more. Thanks for checking in and I wish for you a wonderful week.