Today we finished our 2nd full week of school and I consider it a miracle that we survived. My days since beginning school have not been spent sipping coffee with friends at the local Starbucks nor have I been able to tackle the mounds of laundry or the garbage dump that I think was once our basement. I rather have found myself spending these precious moments alone crying out to God on behalf of my kiddos. Begging Him to make His presence known to them in their lonely days. Pleading for Him to bring loving friends into their lives and desperately asking Him to allow them to catch a glimpse of brighter days. To say that this transition to a new school environment has been difficult would be an understatement. We have all felt the agony of the pain of change. The routines, the procedures, the curriculum, the rules, the students, it all has been beyond overwhelming. I have ached with a hurt that only a mom could know as I have watched the 3 people I love the most in the world step out of my van each morning and enter a place where they feel somewhat invisible and lost. It is not because they are going to a school that is not wonderful, in fact they are in a place surrounded by some of the sweetest people I have met since moving to CO. They each have some of the most amazing teachers I have ever known who shine the light of Jesus in every word and every action. But it is more that they are the new kids and being new is hard despite ones age.
This whole transition has literally plunged me into a state of deep introspection about this journey called life and choices along the way. The simple act of changing schools has caused me to wrestle with some issues that I think I have struggled with for a long time. A topic better saved for a solo post but for now sit here contemplating the massive role of being a mommy and the incredible responsibility that accompanies that title.
Until that baby enters your life, you walk a path of where the decisions you make effect only you and perhaps your husband or wife. Those forks in the road of your journey are monumental and life impacting but if you somehow head down the wrong road, it sure is easier make a u-turn and change directions when other people are not involved. And then the family expands, little ones are added to the pack and suddenly those choices bring with them more weight when as a parent you think about the impact certain decisions have on those lives you now control. It is a heaviness that has weighed on me in the recent weeks as we have made some tough decisions to take a new direction in the lives of our children. And as we have endured a difficult first few weeks of school the natural response is to second guess the decision and thus question even more. As a wife my greatest desire is to be a source of encouragement for my husband, to submit to his authority as the spiritual leader of our home and to love him unconditionally. As a mom I equally long to encourage my kids and provide for them every opportunity to grow into the men and women God wants them to be while passionately loving them along the way. Those great desires carry with them many facets of responsibility and for moms those duties can be at times overwhelming. We are faced every day with decisions that can greatly impact the trajectory of our children’s lives. What are we to do when those choices collide with the hopes, desires and dreams of other members of the family? What happens when we move in a direction only to realize we are heading the wrong way and that u-turn could possibly break their hearts? I have to say that there has been more than one time I have wished for a crystal ball to help me know what is the right thing to do. There is no crystal ball and I cannot know the future. I simply have to take each day that is given and walk in faith that God will show me the way I should go, order my steps and when I make a mistake He will honor the attitude of my heart and His grace will be sufficient for ALL of our needs. My neighbor recently posted this quote on Facebook and it so resonated with the emotion of my heart:
"Behind every great kid is a mom who is sure she is screwing up."
I was reminded earlier today of that old hymn “One Day at a Time Sweet Jesus” and have decided that it is going to be my anthem for this year…..
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.
I pray that what ever you are facing today you will take it one day at a time....no more and no less....just a day!
First Day Photos