Today we finished our 2nd
full week of school and I consider it a miracle that we survived. My days since beginning school have not been
spent sipping coffee with friends at the local Starbucks nor have I been able
to tackle the mounds of laundry or the garbage dump that I think was once our
basement. I rather have found myself
spending these precious moments alone crying out to God on behalf of my
kiddos. Begging Him to make His presence
known to them in their lonely days. Pleading for Him to bring loving friends
into their lives and desperately asking Him to allow them to catch a glimpse of
brighter days. To say that this
transition to a new school environment has been difficult would be an
understatement. We have all felt the
agony of the pain of change. The routines, the procedures, the curriculum, the
rules, the students, it all has been beyond overwhelming. I have ached with a hurt that only a mom
could know as I have watched the 3 people I love the most in the world step out
of my van each morning and enter a place where they feel somewhat invisible and
lost. It is not because they are going
to a school that is not wonderful, in fact they are in a place surrounded by
some of the sweetest people I have met since moving to CO. They each have some of the most amazing teachers I have ever known who shine the light of Jesus in every word and every action. But it is more that they are the new kids and
being new is hard despite ones age.
This whole transition has literally plunged me into a state
of deep introspection about this journey called life and choices along the
way. The simple act of changing schools
has caused me to wrestle with some issues that I think I have struggled with
for a long time. A topic better saved
for a solo post but for now sit here contemplating the massive role of being a
mommy and the incredible responsibility that accompanies that title.
Until that baby enters your life, you walk a
path of where the decisions you make effect only you and perhaps your husband
or wife. Those forks in the road of
your journey are monumental and life impacting but if you somehow head down the
wrong road, it sure is easier make a u-turn and change directions when other
people are not involved. And then the
family expands, little ones are added to the pack and suddenly those choices
bring with them more weight when as a parent you think about the impact certain
decisions have on those lives you now control.
It is a heaviness that has weighed on me in the recent weeks as we have
made some tough decisions to take a new direction in the lives of our
children. And as we have endured a
difficult first few weeks of school the natural response is to second guess the
decision and thus question even more.
As a wife my greatest desire is to be a source of encouragement for my
husband, to submit to his authority as the spiritual leader of our home and to
love him unconditionally. As a mom I
equally long to encourage my kids and provide for them every opportunity to
grow into the men and women God wants them to be while passionately loving them
along the way. Those great desires carry
with them many facets of responsibility and for moms those duties can be at
times overwhelming. We are faced every day with decisions that can greatly
impact the trajectory of our children’s lives.
What are we to do when those choices collide with the hopes, desires and
dreams of other members of the family?
What happens when we move in a direction only to realize we are heading
the wrong way and that u-turn could possibly break their hearts? I have to say that there
has been more than one time I have wished for a crystal ball to help me know
what is the right thing to do. There is
no crystal ball and I cannot know the future.
I simply have to take each day that is given and walk in faith that God
will show me the way I should go, order my steps and when I make a mistake He
will honor the attitude of my heart and His grace will be sufficient for ALL of
our needs. My neighbor recently posted this quote on Facebook and it so resonated with the emotion of my heart:
"Behind every great kid is a mom who is sure she is screwing up."
I was reminded earlier today
of that old hymn “One Day at a Time Sweet Jesus” and have decided that it is
going to be my anthem for this year…..
One day at a time sweet
Jesus
That's all I'm
asking from you.
Just give me the
strength
To do everyday what
I have to do.
Yesterday's gone
sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may
never be mine.
Lord help me today,
show me the way
One day at a time.
I pray that what ever you are facing today you will take it one day at a time....no more and no less....just a day!
First Day Photos
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