Remembering Connor

Six years ago today my sweet Connor was welcomed into the splendor of Heaven by our Lord. I always struggle with how to remember him on a day that was so tragic, so painful and so very life-changing. In an instant, on October 31, 2003 my life stopped, and was never the same again. God has brought about healing and restoration in my heart and in the life of my family over the past six years yet on this day I still ache to hold my son. I long to gaze into his dark eyes and to feel his tender touches. I wonder what life would be like if he was still with us and I think about what he is doing in Heaven right now. My heart still hurts and I still ask the question, "why?". But despite the pain that still rears its ugly head occasionally I rest in the hope that I will one day see my baby's face again.

Yesterday I couldn't get the Mercy Me song "Homesick" out of my mind. I truly love the song for it expresses the cry of my heart as I think about being separated (temporarily) from my precious child. I thought that I would share the words of the song in case you haven't heard the song.

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times

And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you

But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry

Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways

The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know

But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyeAnd in Christ, there is no end

So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have

To see you again

To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Giving thanks today that for those whose hope is in the Lord, there are no goodbyes!

With a heart that is near Heaven today,

Nichole