Saturday, October 31, 2009

Remembering Connor










































Six years ago today my sweet Connor was welcomed into the splendor of Heaven by our Lord. I always struggle with how to remember him on a day that was so tragic, so painful and so very life-changing. In an instant, on October 31, 2003 my life stopped, and was never the same again. God has brought about healing and restoration in my heart and in the life of my family over the past six years yet on this day I still ache to hold my son. I long to gaze into his dark eyes and to feel his tender touches. I wonder what life would be like if he was still with us and I think about what he is doing in Heaven right now. My heart still hurts and I still ask the question, "why?". But despite the pain that still rears its ugly head occasionally I rest in the hope that I will one day see my baby's face again.
Yesterday I couldn't get the Mercy Me song "Homesick" out of my mind. I truly love the song for it expresses the cry of my heart as I think about being separated (temporarily) from my precious child. I thought that I would share the words of the song in case you haven't heard the song.
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
In Christ, there are no goodbyeAnd in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Giving thanks today that for those whose hope is in the Lord, there are no goodbyes!
With a heart that is near Heaven today,
Nichole

7 comments:

KT said...

Remembering you and praying for you!
Katie

Charlene said...

Nichole, thank you so much for sharing this day with us. I truly love all the pictures--what a precious smile he has... You have such a beautiful heart and spirit. Lifting you up in prayer... with love, Charlene

Leslie B. Shoemaker said...

Thanks for sharing. I love you!

Football & Fried Rice said...

So very precious. And feeling your heart close to heaven on this day!!

Much Love,
Sara

Don and Lisa Osborn said...

Hi~

I came to visit from Sara's blog and was moved to tears by this post. I am so sorry for your terrible loss. As beautiful as Connor is in the pictures you posted, I am sure he is even more beautiful and radiant in the presence of God and I hope you can find some peace in that.

I know your courage to persevere and share will bless others who are hurting.

Blessings to your family~
Lisa (Mommy to Lindy from Hunan)
Waiting for her mei mei from Taiwan

Anna Grace and Andrew's Jie Jie said...

Praying for you!

Keri said...

I am so glad you shared these pictures of your sweet Connor. Such a beautiful boy. What a lovely remembrance.

Keri