October 31

October 31 marked the 4 year anniversary of the day that our Connor made his journey to Heaven. Since we lost him, that day as well as his birthday have always been very difficult for our family. As the day approached this year I found myself at a different place emotionally than I had been in previous years. My sadness wasn't as heavy and I found that my mind did not dwell continually on what I had experienced on that day 4 years ago. I recalled shortly after Connor died many people reassuring us that the Lord would heal our hurts in time if we would just remain close to Him. The healing process was something that I did not rush. I simply grieved for my precious son while walking each day clinging to the promises of my Lord and knowing that one day I would have the joy of seeing Connor again. Healing has come in many different ways over these 4 years and although I still miss Connor every single day I have found that the inner joy that was so far removed from my life for many years after he died has been restored. It is a joy that I truly believe in my heart that Connor would want. Connor possessed a love and a joy that was beyond words. I could never begin to adequately describe how beautiful he was and what a treasure he was to me and to experience those emotions that were so much a part of him makes the joy so much sweeter.

Our family decided to mark this anniversary with a trip to Disney. We traveled to Animal Kingdom Lodge and spent two nights. It truly was a nice get-away and Cody, Grace and Emily absolutely loved the experience of staying in a hotel where they were able to see giraffes, zebras, wart hogs and many other African animals right outside our hotel room. We spent the day at Animal Kingdom where we enjoyed more animal sightings with Emily loving every minute. We were amazed at how much she loved the animals and how there was no fear. We ate dinner one night at China in Epcot and Emily ate more food than we've seen her eat in a long time. Seems that she hasn't lost her love for her homeland food. Watching and enjoying Emily during this time reminded me of the significance of Emily's presence in our family. The restoration of joy is something that has been encouraged through our receiving her into our family. Seeing life new and afresh through her eyes has brought about so much happiness and somehow I am confident that her big brother is viewing from Heaven with a smile. Overall it was a pleasant mid-week excursion as we remembered our beautiful son and brother.

Thanks to so many of you who called and wrote to us. Each of your notes, emails and phone messages and hugs were precious and I am so touched that so many of you continue to remember our family each year at this time. Your thoughtfulness truly helps us through this day and I am grateful to you for thinking of us and of Connor. The Lord has used so many of you to help us heal and I thank you for allowing yourself to be used by Him in our lives. Also, for all of the birthday wishes...many thanks. Again, I am touched that so many of you remembered my birthday. Despite what a difficult day October 31 is, it is still my birthday and I so much appreciate the wishes. We will officially celebrate as a family next weekend but I was delighted to receive the emails and phone calls with well-wishes. I share my birthday with my best friend, Lissa and want to post a special Happy Birthday wish to her as well as a huge hug from all of us.
I will try to post a few pictures of our Disney Trip soon.