Sunday, June 24, 2012

Is it Summer?

Well, it is summertime but I will have to say that the living is not exactly easy. In fact I sat in my office one day last week after having just traveled over 60 miles in one morning dropping 4 kids at their camps and activities, with an inbox full of emails from some pretty impatient and demanding parents and dreamed of this……



Ahh, to sit on the beach with a warm breeze blowing listening to the soft sounds of waves crashing against the sand.  Then the phone rang, jolting me back into the reality of my life.  A life that is now characterized by chaos and stress.  I honestly believe that somewhere along this path I have been walking, my mind was lost and I do wonder if it will ever be found.  Just in the past couple of days I have brewed at least 2 maybe 3 cups of coffee in my Keurig only to discover coffee pouring down my kitchen counter for lack of a cup.  I drove out of the driveway the other morning without a child, ran a stop sign, tried to make a bank deposit at the dry cleaners all the while leaving the house every day not remembering whether I brushed my teeth or not.  The stretching that has occurred over the past 1 ½ years has caused me to become frayed, not at all like what I used to be.  I lose my temper so easily, I am disorganized and unfocused and filled constantly with negativity and fatigue.  I have neglected some of the most important things in my life in exchange for a full-time job working, sometimes 45-50 hours week with the addition of weekends spent working on all the things I couldn’t get done during the week. I am exhausted all the time having poured my time and energy into other people and lacking the energy to make it through a page of a chapter book with my own kids before falling asleep.    I have debated on whether I should just close the blog given that I don’t have the time to devote to keep it current coupled with the fact that we just don’t do much blog-worthy stuff anymore.   I barely even take photos.  I know, not a very pretty picture which is why I really haven’t wanted to blog.  I am a firm believer that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all and I really haven’t had anything uplifting to say recently.  Life certainly hasn’t turned out exactly like I had planned but then sometimes it doesn’t, we are forced to accept things that we can’t change and live with decisions we thought were a good move at the time.  We simply just have to make lemonade out of lemons.  Well, along with my mind my love and ability to pull together culinary treats has vanished amidst the chaos of managing a demanding job, 4 kids, a house, laundry, grocery shopping, errand running and just making sure I am fully dressed (with matching shoes) when I leave the house.  I am hopeful however that with a few weeks of disconnecting from my job that I can at least recover a recipe for some sweet lemonade in life.  It may not happen but I desperately desire to reclaim some order to my house (at least have some clean clothes to wear), re-connect some friendships and family relationships that have been severely neglected and love on my kiddo’s who I know have missed their mommy.  So while this blog post is not filled with beautiful pics of fun summer times of our family, I do hope it may let some mom who may be struggling with life know that she is not alone.


Hoping for some Lemonade!

6 comments:

Jodee said...

Nichole -- I am sorry to read that things are soooo rough right now. I, too, have a love/hate with summer! The one thing I recently did to make our lives easier was hire a nanny to come in every other week. I know she is going to make our summer better. At least the kids can sleep in those weeks.

Working outside the home is hard. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Sweet Nichole!

With the fires raging in Colorado, I've been thinking a lot about you. Super scary situation! I'm definitely praying for your community and praising God for all Firemen and people helping in all areas during this difficult time. My heart goes out to everyone involved.

As I'm here to reach out to you, I read your most recent blog post and my heart feels heavy for you. While I can't say I know exactly what you are going through, I certainly can relate to many of the feelings you are having. I will say, what I do know is, life isn't always easy. You my dear Nichole, have always planted seeds in good soil and you know what God says about planting seeds in good soil...it will produce a harvest and flourish as it grows.....and that's you right now. Keep growing! Keep your head up during these challenging times. The enemy knows you are bringing glory to God and is trying to bombard you with guilt, distractions and negative thoughts. Stay focused! You have all that matters in life, your salvation, four adorable children, a husband who provides and a family who loves you unconditionally. You are beautiful inside and out and you are an inspiration to so many, including me. Big hug! I will be praying for you.

I miss you!

xo
Kimberly S.

P.S. I'm never on Facebook anymore or I would have left this message there. In hindsight, I'm thinking God wanted me to read your post so he sent me here;) I took the app off my phone and can only get on from the computer. When I'm at the computer, I never think about going on...unless of course I want to share an adorable image of my oh-so-precious grandson....can you believe I'm a grandma...I'm loving it!!!

Lissa and Jay said...

Coley, I love you and am so sorry life is so full of lemons right now. We need to catch up soon...I've missed talking to you (and seeing you!!!) so much!

Love you always!
Lissa

strandfam said...

Praying for you and sending love, Sarah

Paige said...

Yep, right there with you and not even working! Just trying to keep it together:)

Leslie B. Shoemaker said...

Coley-

As I catch up on your blog, the tears are flowing. oh friend, how I have been in your shoes before. You know who helped the most- YOU and Chrystal. You both encouraged me to seek His face, dive deep in His word, and to remember that the "stuff" would always be there. It's easy for me to say, I know. I'm not walking in your shoes. Just remember, thousands of miles away there are people praying for you. Praying you find strength and understanding of where God has you currently. I love you. I think of you often. Being a full time working Mom is the most difficult task ever. But I am so proud of you. SO SO PROUD. I love you!